We've all had fun laughing at Jeff Foxworthy making fun of us rednecks (speaking for myself, of course).  Well I was wondering if we could poke a little fun of ourselves (MTBers) and have a laugh or two.  I've caught myself mumbling "Rookie!" under my breath when I do something stupid on the trail.  So this gave me the idea for... "You might be a rookie, if..."

...you lay flat on your back across the trail when out of breath!!!



yup. happened Sunday. I was able to get stopped in time.

You drive 30 miles across town to the trail but forget your (helmet, shoes, tools, front tire, socks, beer/trail money).

You have a big ugly bruise on your thigh/butt from your slow motion did-not-clip-out-in-time crash ... before leaving the parking lot.

(yes, I have done that)

You pull over for an overtaking rider on a hill that causes you to stall out or put your foot down. Do not do this. Make them wait until your ascent is secured and then allow them to pass you. When a rider says, "On your right(or left) it is up to them to make the pass. You do not have to ride in the weeds. Let them do it.

The Cycle Path wrote on 10/22/13 at 10:04pm:

He said Rookie. Not Redneck.

You wear briefs under your bike shorts with chamois.

yeah dude........your dealing with a rookie with Joe T, 

bbbbbwwhhaaaa..............being on call all week is gonna suck Joe T.

You don't remember the bike is on the roof and pull into the garage. DOH!

You stay seated and shift into granny gear when climbing hills on local area trails.

northlknrider wrote on 10/22/13 at 11:14pm:

+100 !

you wear a baseball cap under your helmet or don't wear a helmet at all.

You think Fisher Farm is a double black diamond trail.   

Robert C. wrote on 10/23/13 at 2:53pm:

Q4T!

Delete my Profile B4 I curse wrote on 10/22/13 at 9:51pm:

here,here

I went to the state park, but all they had there were dirt trails. But no bike trails. I had to ride on the street and it was way too hilly

you complain on how the bike shop told you that this bike climbs really well. And then wonder why you can't climb

Banjopickin wrote on 10/24/13 at 12:24pm:


Agreed, rookie mistake. Never ride without a spare stem and pair of pedals in the pack.

I noticed that Bike athletic apparel changed their name to  Russell Athletic. How will the rookies ever find good Bike clothes at Dicks

you slam 2 beers before your ride....................classic rookie mistake, should be 4 beers.

Kurt Speed wrote on 10/24/13 at 6:09pm:


And I think I know who you're talking about.

You ride almost an entire season with your fork locked out and don't realize it until someone asks you why do you have it locked 

DursRemote wrote on 10/24/13 at 1:16pm:


Don't kid, did a Wilson's Creek ride with someone once that snapped a pedal 2 miles in to the ride.  A short hike back to his truck where he had a spare and back. In biz ness.

SCOTT_T wrote on 10/24/13 at 5:35pm:

the good thing about wider openings on hydration bladders, is you put a frozen can in your water. When your done with your ride, the post ride drink is just right. Not a rookie mistake, but just sayin

...you're jammin' tunes with yur white ear buds completely oblivious to the crowd stacking up behind you.

You lean your bike against the car/ truck or wedged in a spot.  Then Too quickly slam vehicle door too fast and bike falls and scratches either vehicle or Bicycle and then complain.

Couple years ago I drove all the way down to Cane Creek to meet Scott T and Greg....but forgot the front wheel for my bike. Dang......it!
Greg called BoltBrosCycles in Waxhaw who happened to have a 29er wheel they let me borrow. It only cost us about an hour but we rode!
Not a rookie mistake. Just a regular in a rush, throwing stuff in the truck dumb ass mistake.